Today I found out that sumone (that I shall name HIM for the time being) kinda likes me -hints hints- .. Haha.. Kinda happy but kinda confused at the same time.. Both of us agreed that we dun want to start a relationship js yet coz of me having PMR and he having SPM this year.. I kinda like HIM and all but I'm just really scared to actually let myself fall for HIM. When I fall for sumone I fall hard... And I deal really badly with rejection.. I guess no one deals well with rejection rite? Haha.. But I'm those type where it takes a really long time to get over.. Haha... Ok I sound really fragile.. haha.. Well, I'm not really THAT FRAGILE!! But I prefer that when he tells me he actually means it and not he's saying it just so he doesn't hurt my feelings.. I feel more hurt when that happens.. Tell me straight if u dun like me.. Dun beat around the bush and tell me lies.. It just hurts even deeper after the truth is out..
I'm trying say that I'm just really afraid that he's just another guy who wants to take advantage of me.. Sum times it sooo hard to find and actually trust truthful guys.. After what happened the a certain sumone I kinda lost all trust in almost all guys... I just dun wanna be used again.. I felt so used, hurt and stupid after him!!! I'm just so afraid that it'll happen again.. Its not to say tat I dun trust HIM, its just I feel so vunerable now, so weak. I dunno how a gal like me can deserve a guy like HIM... I really wonder how.. And why would he fall for me?? There's nothing special bout me.. There are plenty of gals who are much better than me.. I feel touched but yet confused.. I really want to noe that he's REALLY feeling tat way and not just telling me that he feels that way when he doesn't, so just he doesn't hurt my feelings.. I really want HIM to reassure me that he's actually telling me the truth.. Haiz... And I'm afraid our feelings change really fast.. HAIZ!!! I guess that's just way love is.. We just gotta have faith and see what happens..
That's all for now...
Signing off,
`-LaInA bAnAnA-` =S
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