RC Nite 2009

Just to give you a little info about RC Nite 2009. The theme was We are You-nique. It was held at SJK (C) Kong Hoe's hall. All the members wore traditional clothes which made it all grand and show the 1Malaysia attitude amongst all members that have been incoperated for many years before the 1Malaysia campaign was officiated. All this was done to raise funds for our HQ which was burnt on the 24th of April 2008.

The whole night was so totally awesome. The stairs to Kong Hoe school was decorated so awesomely when I first saw it I was like *insert really breathtaking word*. Words really cannot describe how awesome it was. It was made into a tunnel like thing leading up to the hall which was so awesome. It made everything seem so grand. At the top of the stairs towards the left was the registration counter and to the left again is a kolam (not pool) an indian thingy where they use coloured rice to make different patterns. I'll be uploading the pics on my Facebook as soon as my connection decides to be nice.

When you enter the hall, the deco and atmosphere was totally awesome. There was a red carpet leading all the way to the VIP table. Oh yea, talking about VIP's. The Minister of Health came. It was totally awesome. =D. Moving on. The opening dance was done so differently. As the Minister came through the door, STAR school was there to welcome him with a dance at the door (which I have to say was done superbly) and danced all the way to the stage. After that Kwang Hua took over with a kung-fu like dance which was interesting and fun to watch. After the speeches, more performances were to come. And EXCO 2008 won a lucky draw prize. It was quite funny cause when he first took the number we were all holding our breaths then as he read out the 2nd last number we were like aiyah... then when he said zero. we were all WHAT?!?!?! *jumps up and screams* (we didnt actually HAVE to scream so loud cause we were sitting RIGHT in front of the stage but we did anyways. XD)

All the performances was really fun and bombastic. They were all done superbly. When it came to EXCO 2009's dance. The crowd went wild. We shouted and shouted till I felt like my throat was going to bleed. At the end, they gave out the awards for Tokoh Belia to them which they really deserved after all that they've done. =).

A lot of pictures were taken after everything ended but the night wasn't over. The night ended with a small celebration of Sir's birthday. A birthday speech was given by the birthday boy, Papa Shree!! =D. My night ended when I had to go back. ='(. But the night was so awesome I went back home so hyped up. The whole night just left me floating on the clouds.

Before I end my post, I just wanna wish my dear Papa Shree a very happy 30th birthday!! Its the big 3-0 and still going strong. ;) . You've touched me in more ways than one and pushed me to bring out the better side of me. You see the potential in me when no else can. You've made all the difference in my life and gave me experiences I can never find anywhere else in the world. What I am today is because of what you've done. All the riches in the world cannot take away what you've given me and I cannot thank you enough for all that you've done. THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR!!! I hope you had a very safe trip back to Phillipines and I miss you already. =). Cant wait to spend more time with you before I start college. Once again, Happy Birthday Sir and Papa Shree. =D, <3

A Post Due

Okay I know I have no excuse not to blog since my SPM is over so I shall make up for it by posting two posts. =). First post I'll be updating you guys about what's new with me the next is about RC Nite 2009! Woot woot. XD.

Anyways so what news with me,

1. I've finished my SPM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooooooooooooottttttt!!! I feel so free. *floats around*

2. I'm registered for college. I think my church gang has been hearing me say that so many times their tired of hearing it. hahaha.

3. I've finally gotten a handbag which I really like.

4. I'm gonna have a whole day of reading tomorrow with Jern-lyn and Jess and maybe Jo Dee.

5. I've cut my hair but not a drastic do.

I think that's pretty much about it. If I remember something I'll re-edit this post and add on. XP.

I guess that's pretty much about it. =)

Moral

My Moral teacher has been teaching us the wrong thing for the past two years and we didn't know it. But I thank God that she was pregnant when we did our trials because when the Ketua Sumber Kemanusiaan marked our papers according to scheme, we did it all wrongly. There were a couple of my classmates who would usually score A, B's or C's failed Moral in their trials. I'm use to getting a high A and for my trials I suddenly got a B4. We thought Moral was simple but it ended up being so so hard. There was no other exam after my trials to test whether I was doing it right so I had to learn real hard and korek as much info from everyone and everywhere I could.

Anyways, after that happened I had all these papers with all the kata-kata kunci thingy but some of it weren't exact so I went on a "mission". I downloaded the marking scheme for Moral from a few different states and compared them to the papers I have and did my own paper. I cross refereced it with like 3 state papers and 2 other papers I got from my friends so I'm pretty sure its quite accurate but not 100%.

I didn't bother trying to make it look nice so just bare with it. Its just the kata-kata kunci. The definisi's are mostly the same. Here's the link for the download. FYI, its in a pdf file.

http://www.4shared.com/file/156478183/54b98861/kata2_kunci_moral.html

SPM!

As all of you know, SPM is here! Just came to update you about how's everything so far. Yeah well everything's not to great. Confidence of getting AT LEAST 5A's slowly slipping away. Felt I screwed up all my papers. But I'm glad I got through the first week alive and am having a break.



Being not use to not having a nap in the afternoon and sleeping at 1 the night before SPM started definitely took a toll on me. I struggled to keep awake during my Sejarah 2 which was from 2 - 4.30. Was so tempted to take a "nap". =P. But somehow I managed to finish the paper without falling asleep. The exam so far has been interesting la. So far I could answer all questions (some not confidently). I thought I would be quite O.O -ish. haha.



Well that's pretty much about it for now. I am totally looking forward to my freedom. =D

woooo. 100th post.

This is my 100th post!! weeee.. hahaha..



Taylor Lautner is sooooo hot!!! <3. I just watched a short clip of Jacob (Taylor Lautner) transforming into a werewolf and come to protect Bella and all and ahhhhh. I sound like those crazed fans that when they actually see him in real life will faint but I don't really care right now. I'm way too far into fantasy land. weeee. Almost everyone who has read the book or watched the movie (guys excluded) has been or is in this ahhhh state sometime while reading/watching the book/movie. Stephanie Meyer totally rules!! The Twilight Series is so nice. I'm totally gonna reread all the books after my SPM. XD.

* this paragraph was a little edited cause some error totally wiped out almost the whole paragraph so had to rewrite whatever I could remember with a lot of editing in between.



I don't know why but I like Edward the character but Jacob the actor. I find Robert Patinson to be kinda freaky, I don't know why. haha. Jacob in the book kinda sounds desperate but in the last book he's like so loving to Renessme which makes him really cute. =P.



Anyways, I should get back to studying Sejarah. I'm so totally procrastinating right now. So typical of me. XD.

bloggg..

I feel like blogging about something

but I have nothing to blog about

so I'm just gonna post this. XD.

hmmm. Suprisingly it doesn't bother me. It doesn't affect me like I thought it would have. I wonder why. On second thought, nyeeh.

The Visit and Random Stuff

Yeah so as the title says, I visited Xin Zhi today. Aunty came over in the morning to bake FRESH MUFFINS to give him and his family as a "buah tangan" kinda . I hope you liked the muffins Xin Zhi plus I know you'll read this since you told me you actually read my blog. XD. So called him about 12-ish to confirm whether I could come and he told me he couldn't at first then as we were talking he asked his mum and he was like okay my mum says can so I was like yay! (well something on that line la. not so enthusiatic though. XD).

I told him I would be coming around 1-ish but ended up coming close to 1.30. XD. Sorry Xin Zhi!! I had to have lunch with my family before going off. So anyways, followed his instructions to go to his house. And when I reached there I was super nervous that my hands were actually cold. My sister, who was with me, suspected I had a crush on him since I was nervous. But I was nervous because I would be visiting him alone and I'm terrified of his mum. I decided to visit him alone because Saturday was my only day free besides Wednesday and it's so hard to ajak my frens and arrange to go visit him so finally decided to go alone la. well, not really alone also la. my sis came along with me cause she actually didn't really have anywhere else to go. XD.

So reached there and his mum opened to the door for us. I actually didn't know whether to call her teacher or to call her aunty. That's why its so hard to go to the house of your friend who's parent teaches in your school. You don't know whether to call them aunty/uncle or teacher. Visited him for about 45 mins cause I had a Bible Knowledge at 2.30 and HAD to leave. During my visit I saw his X-rays. Cool stuff. XD. Anyways, I didn't know his broken arm was THAT broken. From the X-ray it looked like it was totally broken from the arm and floating. He put in like 5 screws and a metal plate to hold it all together. The X-rays fascinated me quite a bit I have to admit. :P. My sis was more or less in the conversation so it was kinda awkward plus he being shirtless made it even more awkward. hahaha. you could say that we couldn't like have eye contact. well, I generally can't talk while maitaining eye contact but this was like I couldn't actually look at him and talk. XD. Sorry la. I've never actually sat down and talked to a shirtless guy that long if you exclude my almost always shirtless brother. XP.

Gave him a jar of stars that I made with some stuff written on the inside. He couldn't like put back the stars so I told him to either read everything and leave it and bring it the next time we see each other or he can try to put it back. So finally left about 2.25. Got to church in time for the exam. Felt like I didn't do too well in the exam though. crap. Pretty uneventful day after that. Oh yea, my dog was trying to chase and play with the frog (which normally ends up dead cause my dog is like 50 times bigger than it plus she bites. XD). So I kinda saved it by scooping it into the dustpan and pushing it out the gate and it ran away after that. Funny sight to see my dog trying to play with it but jumping up and down to avoid it. hahaha.

On a totally random note, Steven Strait is sooo hot!! I saw him in this Youtube video in which he was running in a formal clothes and damn he looked hot!! *drools* Okay back to reality. He's a really good looking dude and he's 23 but too bad he's already married to a woman who's 30. I guess he likes older woman. Well, there's always Taylor Daniel Lautner. I like his name too. It sounds so, I don't know, nice? haha. But its a really cool name. XD. ohhh. and he's like French, Dutch, German and others. so many races rolled into one. haha. Plus he's the same age as me and a Christian (well according to a website) and he's not too tall. weeee... XD and I never knew he acted in The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava-girl.

Here's a picture of Steven Strait. *drroooolllss* :P

I couldn't find a good pic of Taylor Lautner so thus no pic of him. :P

SPM!!

SPM is a little over a month away. I never knew life as a school student would come to an end so fast. Damn. And the one person that I would have definitely spent the days with isn't there with me. Instead he's spending time in his house or the hospital. I want to visit him in the hospital (though he's only been there one night) but I'm afraid of asking his mum whether its okay. Called him yesterday to a really depressed him, a part of him I've never seen up till now. I felt like I was a little too harsh afterwards cause I kept telling him off for being so depressing. I knew he was scared of the surgery, putting a screw/a couple of screws into his arm but he sounded soooooo depressed. I know he's really scared of the idea of having his arm torn open. I kept trying to keep his mind of it but its hard knowing how he is, where he won't not stop thinking about it. Well since he doesn't have a handphone I can't really call him to check on him or how his surgery went. Well, I guess I'll have to wait till he's back from the hospital.

anyways, getting back to the topic. SPM is about 34 more days. DAMN!! Its getting so close but I'm still slacking around. ayoooo!! Why can't I freaking concentrate!??!?! Too many distractions! FYI guys, if I'm emo from now onwards till after SPM you know why. I think I really have to be in a emo mood to study where I shut off from the world. I'm giving you guys prior warning so if I seem like I don't want to talk to you or something you'll know why. The exception is when I'm online. You guys can talk to me if you see me online k? hahah.

I should be getting back to my Add Maths. yes people. I'm doing Add Maths to get my mind of things. XD.

Chao people!! take care..

Another day gone by.

Whoa. I'm blogging alot today. Well the 2 before these were done yesterday actually but just drafted it and decided to post it today, so I guess that doesn't really count. I just downloaded a few songs out of boredom of hearing the same songs over and over again. Tried to study this now but couldn't keep my head focused. Whenever I open that particular book it reminds me of what happened and him because I was doing that book when it happened and I always ask him question from that book. Shit. I have no idea why its affecting me so much or whether I'm letting this affect me. My feelings are being a bitch with me right now. My parents are like pounding me because I'm not studying but just lazing around the house and spending most of my time on the comp. Well, 2moro's saturday and I'm not really gonna enjoy it. I know what you might think, "ITS SATURDAY!! HOW CAN U NOT ENJOY IT!!". Yeah well these are the reasons why.

1. I have 4 hours of Chemistry tuition. well I don't mind that but I'm dreading it is because I'm gonna be alone. My friend would be taking it another day. I want to get it over with so decided to endure 4 hours of Chemistry tuition ALONE. Plus I haven't finished doing like 2 chapters of homework. dun really care actually.

2. I have to study or at least try to study to make up for the time I've wasted the whole week.

3. I have to study for my bible knowledge exam the next day. well, this is not so bad but because I really don't have the mood to study so I know I'm gonna struggle to concentrate.

4. Don't really dare to call him cause his mum would be at home.

That's pretty much why I'm not gonna enjoy my saturday. Well at least my sister's gonna come back from Korea 2moro. I'll definately try to make something of my weekend.

I think I have to go to school during PMR!! Shittt!!

I Want To Forget But I Can't and Now I Appreciate

There was one phone call I made to him, he suddenly shouted into the phone, when I asked what happened he said muscle contract. Its really heart wrenching to see your free, well in this case hear, your friend in so much pain but can't do much to help.

I really dun know how I'm gonna survive in school without him. All this while, I've taken advantage of him always being there and now that he's not I feel so lost. I clung to him like a security blanket and now that he's gone I feel vunerable. He's also been an encourager for me by encouraging me to study and to do my best for every exam and when he nerds he indirectly encourages me to study. You could say he was my "other half". There isn't a day where I didn't shout XIN ZHI!!! But now I guess that has come. It would definately be weird to sit next to nothing when all this while he's been there listening me to whine and rant, smacking him, discussing answers, asking him for his help and advice and even arguing with him what songs to listen to. When they say, you never know what its worth till its gone they really are true and I now know the full extent of what they mean. I wasn't emotionally prepared to say goodbye yet and now he might not be coming back to school again and SPM is 48 more days. And I know how much his SPM means for him and even that he might be able to come for.

I can still remember how much I use to hate him in Form 4 and early Form 5. I use to despise him. I wanted so badly to strangle him and I bet he wanted to do the same. Time has definately drastically changed that. He changed from my enemy to my best friend; my other half. He knows my deepest darkest secrets and everything about me and in turn I've found out so many things about him. He's helped me become a different person; to be more patient and understanding, to keep believing in myself and that I can really do it if I really wanted to. Before this happened I was wondering what would happen to us, including our other friends, when school ends. And that thought scared me because they've all become comfort zone. Stepping out was a big scare for me. I regretted not becoming closer to him earlier on because he's such a great friend and I didnt see that earlier. I use to laugh when he told me or I found that girls like him because to me I didn't see what they saw. To me he was just another annoying but fun guy who sat next to me. I still laugh and tease him but I see what they see. I've heard girls say he's every woman's dream or he's what you call a perfect guy, or close to perfect anyways and sometimes I have to agree with them. He is everything you could want in a guy.

I knew him since Form 1 when he was the hot topic in my class cause he and a girl in my class were exchanging notes but at that time she was with another guy (which I later found out that XZ didn't know). I knew him as this really shy prefect guy. I remember when we would pass each other at the corridor, he would look away or look on the floor and say hi in a really soft voice when u said hi. I use to think he was a really weird guy. Years pass and I knew who he was but never really talked to him. Finally in Form 4 I sat next to him. Initially Vigna sat next to him but she shifted to another class so I changed my place and sat next to him. We were like cats and dogs. Always fighting, and it usually ends up with me becoming emo and shutting off. When this year started, it wasn't any different. I started off the year trying to be more patient and as usual it didn't work. He and I would still fight but this time, after we fought he would call me to apologize (well, most of the times anyways). Some how both of us changed and became more patient with each other and when that happened we started to realise that we could actually get along. A friendship started to form and here we are today.

I may talk about him like he's my boyfriend or we're in love or something but that's just us. Even our classmates agree. Some people think that he and I are together or that I like him or vice versa because of how close we've gotten. When they say that I would laugh and walk away or like ewww... its Xin Zhi.. Thinking about it now, it seems really funny. Maybe we would someday down the road or something who knows but right now I'm enjoying every moment of this friendship. And not only this friendship but all the friendships I've made throughout my schooling life because after this everyone will be everywhere and nothing will ever be the same so I'm gonna cherish every moment I have with them though it may not be much longer.

Well, that's all from me now.

I Want to Forget It But I Can't.

Yesterday my best friend, who sits next to me, broke his arm and I'll never forget what happened. For those of you who dun know who he is, he's Xin Zhi. I'm gonna explain it from my view in grave detail. so those of you who get grossed out easily you might not wanna read.



It all started when Loganad came and challenged Xin Zhi to an arm wrestling match, as usual. And as usual he accepted the challenge. They were playing then suddenly can hear a crack like sound. To me it sounded as if they're hands hit the table. What followed after haunts me. My fren started screaming and I really mean screaming in pain. At first I thought he was screaming cause he lost, but as soon as my other classmates got up and had this panicked look on their face, everyone knew something was wrong. Being Red Cresent members who are trained plus human reaction, we went towards him and he was like in extreme pain. He just kept screaming. Then his face went blank. Totally blank with eyes still open. And he passed out. Some guys caught him but couldn't really hold him so they put him lying on the floor. He was in so much pain that when he passed out he was clenching his hand into a fist so hard that you could actually see the muscle being tensed up. He was out for maybe a minute then got up on his own and started holding his arm.



En. Sazli and En Shamsul came in and helped. I was talking to XZ at that time trying to ask him whether he could stand up and was kneeling quite close to him. Then when En. Sazli came in and saw that, he was looking at me one kind, like as if it was wrong for me to do that. So I was like ergh, whatever la and backed off. En. Sazli asked for a kain anduh, u know the triangle like cloth.



Me and Suey Erz ran to find Pn. Sariah (our RC teacher who has the bilik rawatan key). First place we looked was the staff room, ran towards the office then U-turned back to the staff room to look at the teachers timetable and found that she was in the class next to ours. -.-' moment!! Anyways, ran back to class that side and Suey Erz like shouted at teacher, "Pn. Lim's son broke his arm and passed out". Then those around her were like, :O. Teacher told us she didn't have the key so went back to class to tell teacher or find something else. Suey Erz thought of using the pandu puteri scarf but teacher said too short, so while XZ sat on the floor in pain, we went back to Pn. Sariah and asked whether there was any other way. She said Cik Malissa (our other RC teacher) might have the key so hastingly walked towards the other staff room and the worried and haste steps kinda made all the teachers in the staff room look at us one way. So Pn. Sariah was like explaining what happened, well she was practically shouting it. Finally she found the key to the bilik rawatan in Cik Malissa's desk.



Me and Suey Erz ran for our lives and almost tore the door down cause the lock wouldn't like unhook. When we finally got in, we like went bezerk and looked for the stuff we needed, got out slammed our already spoilt door shout and again ran for our lives. Suey Erz was holding the strecther so it took her abit longer, I ran gave the kain anduh to the teacher and let him do it. And then the shouting started. I can't explain with words how shrieking his screams were.



Everytime teacher moved his arm he would scream. And I later found out from him that teacher asked him to move his fingers and when he could, teacher was like "kamu tak patah tangan, mungkin fracture" or something to that effect.



Anyways, finally after teacher wrapped his arm, which actually made him in scream in more pain and had to be redone, they TRIED to put him on the stretcher. Every movement he made was painful for him, yeah we could tell from the shouting. finally got him on the stretcher but he couldn't lie down so put 2 bags to prop him up. Jason dunno came from where and helped out. He, Vivek, Sean and someone else I can't remember, carried the stretcher with the instructions of Jason. Yes this is where all the BSM training "some" people think was useless comes in great use. They took him down the stairs which was really scary for everyone.



They finally got him down and slowly put him down in front of the teachers staff room where his mum was. He was telling his mum in chinese that its really really painful (yes I do understand a little chinese) and that he can't feel his arm already (that part Suey Erz translated for me). By that time, a row of "spectators" had already formed. Told them to go away. Then another line formed not long after. Anyways, he some how got up from the stretcher and with some help got into the car and his mum took him to the clinic. (the goverment hospital wait would be too long, and private would be too expensive).

He was the talk of the school after that. Everyone was talking about him and what had happened and whether he'll be okay. Gave all his stuff to his bro after school. He later told me that he came back about 2 which was too long after we finished school. And he actually broke his humerus. Haih. So he can't move without feeling painful and he doesn't wanna take painkillers.

nyeh.. XP

Yup well, found out that he actually likes someone.

Its good and bad at the same time

Good that now I don't have to be so uncertain to whether or not he likes me.

Bad that now I feel shitty and I have Bio Paper 3 2moro and I'm in no mood to stuyd. WTH rite?

Yeah so that's pretty much about what I wanted to blog about. :P

P/S : I'm not like super broken hearted or what but I'm still hurt. Whatever I write after this is not what I'm feeling but it just came to be so yeah. As I said, I'm not to say balling my eyes out and suicidal and all "OMG WHY DOESN'T HE LIKE ME?!!? T.T" kinda thing. So please dun be all like OMG you emo again ar. -.-' or something like that k.. =)

Knowing that he likes another girl, when you've just acknowledged the fact that you've fallen for him, is I think the most painful feeling someone could feel.

slowww..

my connection has become annoyingly slowwww...

can't even load facebook...

nyeh..

Since my blog can load. I'll blog about what happened on Friday, 250909. haha. Anyways, went swimming with the girls; Jess, Lyn and Tiffy.. I went to the train station at like 11 plus. Waited for an hour for the always late and crowded train. but it was my first time taking it alone. :P but i'm still proud of myself for actually getting myself on the right train and out on the right stop. hahaha.. Meet up with the girls at Subang parade for makan. We ate at Dessert's bar. I had the smoke salmon wrap and a orange smoothie. Not bad but a little on the pricey side. Ordered oreo parfait and grape cheese cake. After that we met Tiff's mum at Carefour and then went back to her house. Lepak-ed at her house while waiting for her mum to finish up her work and take us swimming. So while waiting we chilled out in her room and changed into our swimming clothes.

Fast forward to when we're there. We took some time to find the designated parking spots for apartment owners. As we were walking towards the lift, this guy came up to us and asked "Excuse me, are you sure you parked in the right spot?". Then Tiff's mom was like yea, then she showed him the card and all. Then, he was like "ohh.. Cause I never see anyone park there before" and walked off. We were like WTH?? Why must you care?? When we were at the lift, Tiff's mum was like I forgot what floor the apartment is, but it was too late to think cause the lift came so we went in and were like so what button to press? Then aunty ws like go out first, I call uncle. So we went out. But the door closed with aunty, Jess and Tiff inside. So they, excluding aunty, screamed cause the door closed on them. Then after auntry came out, they tried to come out again and it closed on them again and as usual they screamed again. And when the girls scream, its LOUD!! we heard it through closed ELEVATOR DOORS. hahaha. Anyways, the managed to get out without getting caught again plus the woman who was in the lift also helped them hold the open button, she was also laughing. hahaha. Went up and had some to find the apartment which also took some time. blah blah blah. Went down to the pool and started swimming, or rather playing around. Lyn and I tried to teach Jess and Tiff the right way to swim. Well, they didn't really get there but at least now they can swim a little la. Haha.

After swimming we had a cam-whoring session. You can go to my Facebook if you wanna see the pics. After that took turns bathing and got ready to leave to go back to Tiff's house. Ate pizza and sum mee hun for dinner. The girls wanted to see some people that we've talked about before so went on Facebook and they decided to go through my crush list and find them on FB. Haha. Continued to find really cute actors and singers and compare which is cuter. hahah. Anyways, proceeded to watch movie, well 2 movies to be exact. Watched Ghost Of Girlfriends Past , then Bring It On 5, Fight to the Finish. Gushed over the main actor Coby Longo. The girls kept laughing at me cause I was like ahhhh-ing so much whenever he came on. haha. After the movies, went up to talk ourselves to sleep, which wasn't much.

Went to bed at about 2 plus and fell asleep like maybe 30-45 mins later. Sometime during the night, Tiff who's so use to sleeping alone, stretched and ended up slapping me. Got interupted by Jess's early alarm. Then later on Jess' indirect wake up call with alot of plastic noise and Lyn's constant calling. Took me like 10 mintues to actually get up with a lot of pestering from Lyn and Jess. Had KFC for lunch which was kinda weird. haha.

Well, that was pretty much the swimming trip + slumber party.. =)

this is wayyy over due.. decided to post all my drafted posts today thus the sudden surge of posts..

random.

I'm in that mood again.
Listening to my fingers on the keyboard and
the fan going round and round, and the long forgotten songs of Ryan Cabrera, (okay maybe not that long forgotten) made me think.
What happened to all those artists who use to be superbly popular like him and Michelle Branch??
It just shows that new artist just replace them.
I mean life is also something like that don't you think? People come and go and some are just forgotten.
Artists at least have their music to be remembered by but what about those ordinary people?? What happens to them after their gone? Will they be remembered??

Anyways, didn't do this post because of that. It just came to me as I was typing. Nyeh. I think I should stop with the emo posts before I scare people away. XD.

On a totally positive note, at least for me, connection is TOTALLY AWESOME right now!! It takes about a minute to download a song of 6MB. So loving it!! I'm going on a downloading rampage. hahah. Taking total advantage of it before I go back to turtle speed connection. muahahaha. XD. I guess that's all I wanna blog about. haha. So bye people. ;)

by the way, thinking of changing my template soon so look out for it. =)

this is the only place I know expressing myself won't hurt. its the only place I step out of my fascade.

this is the only place I know I'm safe from you because I now realise that i'm addicted to you and, shit, it hurts. it hurts to know that if I want to keep you, I can't tell you. I've made myself too vunerable. A thing I hate myself for. I need to get away from you before I hurt myself even more.

As I was blogging, my turtle speed connection came back.. and so, there goes my downloading rampage and my ryan cabrera songs. Nyeh.

No. No. No. Not again.

Just not now.

I don't wanna deal with it right now.

Why can't you just get out of my head?

crappity crappy crap.

Just don't wanna go on a emotional roller coaster again.

I want to go back to sleep so I don't think of you but when I do, I dream of you.

sounds cheesy but nyeh..

yes, I'm in that mood again..

=O

I can't believe that I've been studying for 28 days straight.. I've never ever done this in my whole life.. OMG!!! =O.. yeah well, going from not studying to studying everyday kinda takes a toll on me. I'm going a little insane and already am a whole lot stressed. the only thing keeping me sane is talking to my frens. So far papers I screwed up is Physics and Bio. I KNOW that I'm gonna screw up my Add Maths.. T.T.. Let's just wait and see.. Anyways, need to get back to revising Maths.. Will update after my trials.. ;) .. Take care peps.. and I'm sorry if I offended anyone (except those involved.. XD). I didn't mean to offend you guys who are innocent. I was just venting my frustration on those idiots who were involved and initated the thing. Bye guys!!

The Malaysian Government is screwed up..

Before you read this, please read the "warning" below :

All the "you" and "malay" that I've used in this post is referring to those involved and have nothing to do with those NOT involved. I know that not all Malay's are like that. =) . And to prove that I have plenty of close Malay frens k!! And if I accidently insulted anyone (besides those involved), I'm sorry!!!

Recently, the Malay resident protested in Shah Alam about the relocation of a Hindu temple to a different section in Shah Alam.. (Not to say they were relocating the whole Indian population into that area). They could've have just done a protest or some shit but nooooo they had to go protest with a cow head. Come on la! Who gives you the right to protest with an animal that the Hindu's consider sacred?!?!? To add salt to the wounds, they did this after Friday prayers and most of the protesters were still in their songkok's and attire. WHAT THE F**K IS THEIR PROBLEM!?!??! They're protraying that after you pray in a mosque and be all religious you're suppose to insult other religions. Its such a bad image to not only Islam but to your own kind. From what I learn in Sejarah, Islam is suppose to be about peace and respect but what they've done DOESN'T portray that AT ALL. Instead you're going against all that you're religion has thought you. Reading about Nabi Muhammad, I respect him for his wit and knowledge in handling situations and how he teaches about the good. You've gone and ashamed not only yourself but your religion because of it. What have you been learning then in agama class while we non-malays rot away in Moral learning shit?? I'll quote something that I HAVE to MEMORIZE in moral. Nilai kebebasan bersuara. Kebebasan berucap dan mengeluarakan fikiran DENGAN BATASAN TERTENTU bagi menjaga keharmonian dan ketenteraman. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves for disgracing your own race and religion.


And the worse part is, the cops arrested the INDIANS for having a candlelight vigil (NOT a violent protest like the Malays did) and handing out flyers demanding justice. Where is the sense in that? Malay's can protest in such a way but Indians can't even have a candlelight vigil. The Indians didn't even insult the Malays or did anything violent but they got arrested. The Malay's CARRIED a cow head and disrespected it but did not receive any action. No one got arrested even after videos of it surfaced. Malaysiakini was also asked to take videos related to this of their site, most probably in fear of everyone knowing the truth. A very stupid, idiotic, brainless Menteri said "This is all a misunderstanding". F**k you la!! The videos are all out there for the world to see and yet you're saying that its a misunderstanding. The dude who was shouting (and most probably the cause of it), Ibrahim Sabri should be slapped and jailed but instead he's walking free because he's a Malay. In the video he was like "Boleh dikatakan lebih daripada 90% penduduk di Seksyen 23 beragama Islam. Dude, get your facts right before you embarass yourself. The PROVEN fact it there are more Indians in that area than there are Islams. ASSHOLE!!!

He went on to say " Kami MOHON, kami MOHON bahawa ianya dipindahkan ke seksyen 22". Oh, is that the way we should mohon?? No wonder all our views don't count. We've been doing it wrong. Next time we want to go "mohon" for something we should create a protest. That would be soooo efective and it brings the country "more" peace. This guy either didn't go to school or is brainless (or he's just really confident that he won't get into trouble, which in the end was proven). Another resident, Mahyuddin Manaf went on to blame the leaders of this country for teaching them to be rude (he was indirectly refering to the non-malay leaders).

Okay the main this whole thing happened was because the Hindu temple was being relocated to Seksyen 23 ( I think ) which is a "Malay" community and the Malay residents there aren't too pleased. Why aren't they too pleased? Because according to reports, they feel that it would interupt with their Malay cultures and way of living (the friday prayer and whatever else). In other words, they feel threatened that a different religion is gonna be put into the same area. Are they really that insecure about their religion's standing till they have to resort to all this shit????? We already can't question the Malay's right or Islam rights, so why create more leverage for the non-malay's to further question it?

Its a real dissapointment especially when the newly elected Prime Minister is trying to incoperate the vision "OneMalaysia". It is more dissapointing that the MAIN religion of this country is the one creating the problems. Life as a Malaysian has been proven to be unfair especially if you're a non-Malay. Now you know why a lot of non-Malays migrate to other countries.

Exco 08 Reunion..

Today was F-U-N. Freaking FUN!! Though I had to go before the best part (buka-ing puasa with my kawan's), it was still fun.. Lalalalala..

Suppose to meet up at 12 but decided to leave the house at 12 (knowing them, alot of them would be late and I don't wanna be sesat there waiting for them) and reached about 12.30. Called Suey Erz and went to check out the time for movies and at the same time wait for everyone else. As I was sitting there, Atul, Izan and Ita met up with me. Sat on the bench waiting for the rest. Sheila came then Mani. We decided to walk around while waiting for the others and ended up on the balcony outside the food court. I was super hungry so decided to eat first. After ordering my food, they got up and left, so I ate by myself. Soon after, some of them came join me. They waited for me to finish then went to buy the tickets. Decided to watch "The Orphan" cause someone *hint hint* wanted to watch it. Went to the arcade to waste some time since the movie was only at 3. Sor Wen and I went to play spot the difference on the touch screen game thing. Met up with the rest and proceeded to the cinema. Oh ya, when we were buying the tickets, some REALLY underage kids asked us to help them buy tickets for the same show. At least we were like one year underage. They were like only 14 or 15? When we entered, we almost got caught what more them. And seriously, they look like lower secondary. How to pass as 18 la??

Anywayz, went to watch the Orphan which was okay in the beginning. Nothing scary just really sick (for instance, she killed a pigeon by smashing a brick on it and there was like a gruesome smashing sound and blood splattered everywhere). It got really interesting at the ending where it started getting scary. Don't want to spoil it for those of you who want to watch it. But the ending was the one that gave the impact. Freaky ending. Gives me the chills thinking about it. After the movie, I was still deciding whether to go for tuition since it was already 5 by the it finished. So was rushing blah blah blah, suddenly Wen told me that its raining. Went to check it out for myself and it looked like there was a taufan outside. So felt less guilty for skipping tuition.

Since the Malays were puasa-ing. We went to the little fountain like thing near Starbucks to hang out. On the way there, I met Jess. Talked to her for awhile and met up with the gang. Lepaked there for like almost 2 hours. Sitting there taking pics. Just as I got up, I turned around and saw them hiding behind the escalator with the cake.. =') . (It was quite potong steam-ish la but who cares). So they came with the cake and 3 donuts (the 3 bday's we were celebrating; Sor Wen, Mine and Pangky) with a candle in each. Sang the birthday song really loud, making the cleaning aunty to come check out what was happening. Took turns blowing out the candles. The funniest part was on the cake they wrote all 3 of our names and made my name and Pang's look like one. It looked like this Elaina Pang. hahaha. Everyone was asking the same question; "Why Elaina and Pang's name look like one name?". So fed our buddies the donuts, well for the Malay's they pretended for the sake of pictures. So I was still sitting where I was when it all started still awe struck. Wanted to go find my buddy (Kiri) to take pic with him but again potong the steam because the buddies were getting ready with their present to give to the birthday buddies when I saw, so I U-turned and buat tak tau. XD.

So they put the birthday babies on the bridge like thing and the buddies all gave their presents. I opened mine and saw this really cute medal saying its your birthday award. Awwww. Another =') moment. I honestly didn't think Kiri would do all this. (I knew we were celebrating the birthday's cause a Suez told me but didn't expect them to do it this way) Had a small photography session after that. Lepaked there till my bro came. Tak sempat see Sir and buka puasa with the rest. Haih. But I still had a blast before going back!!!

THANKS GUYS!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!!!

MAJLIS EXCO BELIA 2008 ROCKS!!!

<3>

My Wonderful Day..

At the present moment, I wouldn't give a shit if you care to read this post or make ur own assumptions..

My day was superb. Had lots of fun lepaking with my Exco's in conjunction with 08/08 (which has a significant meaning to us). Had the prefects Majlis Perpisahan. Another superb event. Damn cekap and fun. ;) . Took pics (but not enough.. XD).. I thought today would be an average-ly happy day but shit has to happen to me. Life just can't get enough of me not being happy for one day and has to ruin it by screwing up my life.

The things that screwed up my day :
1) Felt like a bitch for telling a couple of close frens a horrible thing someone did.
2) A fren is angry at me for certain reasons that will not be mentioned.
3) Keep remembering that I lost the camera
4) The pin of a button badge scratched me so I have a 5 cm red scar on my arm.
5) Trials are around the corner and I haven't started studying
6) I'm pissed because of everything that's happened.
7) Instead of understanding that I have a prob, my mum screwed me just after I finished telling her my dilema.
8) Was late for Prefects Farewell Lunch so didn't receive my cert. -.-'
9) I'm left wondering why my frens so pissed. Its not like I told the secret. All I said was yeah, I know.
10) I'M PISSED!!!! JUST PLAIN PISSED AT ALL THE SHIT THAT'S HAPPENED!!!


How sad can my life be?? I thought today would be the day where I went to sleep happy but I guess not. Hopefully sleep helps though.


Some how I never experienced this when I was emo. But now that I'm looking at the happier side of things, it just makes the negative blind me to the positive. In other words, now that I'm not emo, all emo things are deciding to re-emo me..

Some Random Post

Since I have nothing to blog about and my friend once told me to blog about him so that my blog would look more alive, I shalt blogeth about him..

This dude sits beside me in class and annoys me ALOT!!! (note that its capital and bolded). He and I are more or less the same. Both of us think we're always right and will never back down from a disagreement until someone is proven wrong. Both of us are very similar in many ways. And now I know how hard it was for my friends to tolerate me. Haha. He's so annoying that the only way I won't go emo and start killing him is by whacking him. :P . He's as hard headed as I and only likes doing things we wants to do for example THE PREFECTS MPP PAPER, which in the end was not given in on time. >:( . He has a bottomless stomach. He can eat a whole pizza all on his own. *hint ELS Farwell Party 2008*. If I were to ever bring food into class, he would take it which is good and bad at the same time. Good when I can't finish my food, bad when I'm hungry cause he'll give this really pitiful look. You know like the big puppy eyes thingy.

But through all the annoying-ness, he is one of my closet friends. He listens to ALL my ranting and frustrations (eventhough his reactions are tak tepat). And I can always ask him for an honest opinion. I think because of me, the left side of his body is bruised or has thicker skin already. :P. He's really been a good fren to me. Through all the annoying crap he's done to me, he's still my best friend. He encourages me to be someone better without even noticing. And because of him, I've become a much more patient person. He's also put up with me not doing my homework and me falling asleep and waking up asking what teacher just said and not to forget the copying. :P . I will definately miss him when school's done. We've sat next to each other for 2 years now and found out so much about each other. In one way or another we've changed each other and formed a unbreakable friendship.

You might or might not be wondering who this dude this, but he's none other than Weldon Lim Xin Zhi..

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING XIN ZHI!! =)


P/S : Mosquitos are the most annoying creatures on earth..

Am I??

Am I in love with him?
I don't wanna be.
Everyone says I am.
I can't agree nor disagree.
Because I don't know how I feel.
It shows that I am but yet why don't I know how I feel?
Hmmm..
But whatever it is..
I gotta get him and this out of my head..
I need to get down to studying!! Trials are next month!! OMG!!!!

Is It Just Too Hard..

It's almost impossible to be left alone..

I need to find a way I can get all of this out, that some how cant be channelled into anything I've tried..

I need to find a way soon!!

If I don't I'm going to do that something I promised myself I'll never do..

Just another week..

Friday : It was a really frustrating day. Friend got angry at me for taking a frens book. Still no idea why she was so pissed. And one thing that really pissed me off was she bitched about me to my other classmates but I could hear.. Girl, you really need to get some skill in bitching.. Dad kept pounding me.. Got really affected by how cold a friend had gotten.. We never talked like we use to and found out so much stuff that I didn't know about him from a friend that also just knew him.. Somehow I got the feeling like he found me boring cause everytime I talked to him, he didn't seem to wanna carry on the conversation..

Saturday : Daniel (my cousin's cousin but I just call him my cousin) and Jacyln's wedding. Went for the church wedding in the morning. The couple looked so wonderful and you could really feel the love between them. Rushed of to school after the wedding. Stayed for like 2 hours then had to rush back home to get ready for the dinner. Had a make-up artist do my hair and make-up. Was pissed because she shaved my eye-brows till it was quite thin. The lady didn't estimate the time and ended up finishing like 15 mins late. Rushed for the wedding dinner. Took loads of pics. The whole dinner was nice.. Food wasn't too bad..

Sunday: Was exhausted because of the late night yesterday. I was practically dragging my feet the whole day but the highlight was powerfun (kid's service) cause the kids were SOOOO adorable. That totally made my day. Had a nap in the afternoon and went for dinner with my family in a chinese restaurant. The "highlight" of the night was when the waiter was putting food on the table, he accidently knocked the wine glass and it spilt on me and on my food. So I smelt like wine and kept tasting wine in my food. Hated the taste and decided to change it with my mum.

Monday: I had trouble waking up because I couldn't really sleep the night before. Found out that the English Language Society (ELS) farewell was cancelled. So there went my excuse of skipping tuition. Went for BM tuition in the most sleepy state. Lucky it was rumusan week and didn't need to do much thinking. Kept falling asleep though (so were most of the class). Went back had my dinner and rushed of to Physics. Went sleep after coming back from tuition

Tuesday: Typical day at school. Went for Add Maths tuition where I terasa by what Tiong said. Didn't really wanna talk to him after that but still did. -.- . Had to wait for my mum to pick me up. Went for a last dinner with my cousin and her family from Australia. T.T. We had dinner in Crystal Crown in Port Klang. Food was nice. Celebrated my cousin's birthday in advance. Came back home and hugged my nephew and niece goodbye. T.T..

Wednesday: Had the senam-robik thing in school. The typical senam-robik thing la. Hall was packed as usual so alot of students had to stand outside the hall and do ( I was one of them). -.-' . Tried to have fun with Athirah by following them and changing the moves here and there. Started falling sick after that. Took sum pics after school with Lindy, Peng Yen and Thong Yun (the photographer). Went for Chemistry tuition in a half dead mood. Learned about Thermochemistry but couldn't really pay attention.

Thursday: Was so sick, I couldn't get up from bed. Got up around 10+ but was aching all over. Couldn't even stand up straight. I was horribly hot cause of the fever, and my throat was so sore I couldn't really speak. Came down and my dogs greeted me. They were extremely manja that day and kept climbing over me (well, at least my Rottweiler kept pushing me).. Dah la aching and sore thoart, they kept wanting me to pet them and my Rottweiler kept sitting on me preventing me from getting up. -.-' . Felt miserable the whole day. Panadol didn't really help. Mum decided to take me to the doctor so didn't go for Add Maths tuition. After seeing the doctor went to the dentist (mum's appointment which also ended with me having a VERY painful check-up). The dentist said I had two cavaties starting so he filled them in very painfully. T.T.

Friday: For the first time in my life slept for almost 12 hours. Mum forced me to study but still ended up using the comp. Had a really low sugar level till I felt light headed. Ate some cereal and 2 pieces of bread but didn't really help much. Felt faintish and was shivering. So I decided to go take a nap. Mum woke me up for dinner. Ate at my auntie's house. Came back and blogged. =)..

So that was my week...

WTF!?!?!?

Am I a flasher magnet or something?? Cant I repel them instead!!! ERGH!!! Do you know how gross and eww-ish it is!! SHIT!!!!

The first time it ever happened was when I was walking back FROM SCHOOL, yes from school still in my school uniform looking geeky as ever, and this guy on a motorcycle passed by me, stood up on this bike and pulled down his pants.. I couldn't turn away cause I HAD to face him when I crossed the road.. I was like WTF?!?!?! EWWWWW!!!! But I didn't show it on my face.. I played the pokerface thing and pretended like nothing happened and continued walking.. And I think I saw him smirk.. Seriously.. What is wrong with these people!??!!

The 2nd time was this now.. I was waiting for my mum after Physics tuition at Delta... For those of you who dun know I go to tuition alone except for like ONE fren and she by coincidence, she didn't come.. X.X.. So anyways, normally I'll wait for my mum at the corner of the junction where is quite dark but near a house so I'm normally not really too worried.. So I was standing where I usually stand, and when I looked up from my phone I saw this guy facing me in the back alley where it was really dark and he looked like he was peeing so I was like.. DUDE!! Go home or something and pee.. Disgusting bastard... Anyways, I just keep standing there and because he was in my line of view I kept seeing him pee like for a really long time and I suspected that something was wrong cause IT WAS REALLY LONG!! He just stood there with his pants down and suddenly he stepped to the side and starting to lift up his shirt with his pants still down and when I saw that, I quickly took out my phone to pretend like I was busy with it.. And when I looked up, he put on his pants so I turned away and back and when he saw that, he quickly pulled his pants down again.. I was like EFF!! NOT AGAIN!!! So I started to walk towards the shops to wait.. And from where I stood, I could still see him and he was like staying in the shadows waiting for me to pass again.. SICK BASTARD!!

What the hell is wrong with these guys?? Why can't they just go home, get a porno video or a comp and so satisfy themselves within the four walls of their house.. What thrill do they get by showing their dicks of to unsuspecting girls?? I just feel like going up to guys like them and kicking them really hard in the crotch and tell them "you like showing it of rite?, well I don't like seeing it.. and this is what I do when I dun like things"..

This guys are seriously sick their freaking head... So shove it up your own ass la.. Erghh.... Retarded and disgusting bastards...

Boredom and Fear

When boredom and fear get to you in the middle of night, you go on facebook and you do the quizzes just to distract yourself.. And that's what I did..

What Colour Best Suits Your Personality :

You are blue! You are a deep, sensitive dreamer. You are usually laid back and calm, though, like an ocean, you can kick up a good storm, too! You are probably a daydreamer, who has his/her head in the clouds. You love spending time with your friends, and probably just go with whatever they want to do (you're a go with the flow type of person, just like water!). You are emotionally inclined - unlike reds, who feel passionately and intensely, you feel things deeply and strongly. You are extremely loyal, and your friends can always count on you to be there for them. Blues are almost always very intelligent, and they strive for perfection in many areas. You may tend to beat yourself up for your imperfections. Other people admire you and strive to be like you, but you probably have a hard time understanding why. You can be light and fun at times, and other times deep and introverted. It just depends on your mood. Sometimes you throw people off with your random changes in disposition, but your friends love you anyways. You can be a very wise, intellectual person, but you have to pull yourself up out of your own thoughts first! You, in a nutshell: Deep, emotional, wise, loyal, slightly moody, feeling, sensitive, supportive, intelligent. BLUE!

What Is Your Best Trait?

Generosity.
You have a very giving nature, and you think of others before yourself. You enjoy giving gifts even more than receiving them. You are a helping hand to anyone in need, and you not only give what resources you have, but you give your heart and your time. You are always looking out for the needs of others are very aware of others' problems, situations, and insecurities. You like to fill in the gaps with your love and kindness. That is what makes you such a great friend and companion.

What Kind Of Mask Do You Wear?
Pain
Your mask is pain. For some reason or another you just can't seem to find a positive outlook on life. You get angry when people try to relate with how you feel, because you're convinced they won't understand. Deep down you know there should be a million reasons for people to want to get to know you, but you often find yourself closing yourself off from those around you. You have your select friends, but can't help but want something more. You find opening up difficult, but you do find your ways to let things out. You have your good days, but even through the good times, you feel like there is always going to be those feelings that don't sit right.

What Is Your Inner Self?
You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are not happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to not burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your heart has been dealt blows before . You tend to think about things a lot more than other people, and you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about consequences. You are also the type of person that others often come to with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely, your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed. You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.

What Do Your Eyes Say About You?
Happy
Your eyes are always smiling even if your not. You always seem to have a good attitude and can easily get along with everyone. You enjoy being around a lot of people and having a great time. You like going outiside to enjoy the sun and are in many different activities.

What Stereotype Do You Fit?
For some reason or another, you don't fit in with anyone. You're not smart enough to be a nerd, you look like a stoner but you don't smoke, Preps and Cheerleaders avoid you like the plague (or maybe it's the other way around) and you are incredibly socially awkward. You're an average person, you just don't like to talk to anyone for some reason. You keep to yourself, doing whatever hobbies you do, and probably like music, but it's a really weird kind of music.


Well, this is what boredom kinda does to you... And apparently I have alot of hidden emotions.. I took like 4 quizes and they all said I have hidden emotions.. -.-'

Suppressed Emotions?

I was going through Facebook and I saw this quiz called "What are you hiding from people?". So I was like what the heck, I'm bored and lets see what comes out.. And this comes out..

Emotions
You tend to laugh and joke around when you are with everyone, but you feel lonely and empty when are all alone. you cry alone when you have stress and problems. you often have many problems that are bugging you, but you never show them out on your face. you are not as cheerful as they thought, but you just don't wish to spoilt the mood of everyone, hence you hide your emotions inside. you are just a weak human with feelings after all.

Thinking about it made me realise that it is true.. I've tried to suppress and bottle up all my emotions.. Even if it kills me inside I never tell anyone.. I tell them what's going on but never how I really feel.. That's why I'm always emo because I want to think!! Sometimes all I need is to be alone and THINK!!

Right now, I feel like my heart's being strangled and I can't do anything to free it... Music is the only way that I can express how I'm feeling into something beautiful.. I guess my songs are okay but I gotta improve my singing voice cause it sounds really sucky when I replay it back on my comp..

Anyways, no particular reason why I wanted to post this and "acknowledge" the fact that I'm emo but just felt like updating my almost dying blog..

He Was Right There..

My 2nd poem/song.. Hahaha.. Yes I know its emo but I get inspiration from being emo so screw it.. But dun you ever tell me you've never been there before..

Is this how its suppose to feel?
Like your heart’s being torn apart.
The life seeping through your fingers,
As you watch him go.

He could’ve been everything,
If you told him that something.
But you couldn’t do it,
For you knew you would bleed.

He was right there in front of you,
All you had to do was reach out,
You missed you chance and
Now you’re left with regret.

You told yourself not to get too close,
But it was just too hard.
He’s your drug,
Just to block out the pain.
Just to block out the pain.

Chorus

You want more than anything
Just to be with him.
Just to be with himmmm...

All I Want Is..

All I want is to know what the hell I'm doing... Why has it affected me so much?? I just want to not have a care in the world.. Why can't I have that?? Why do I always have to worry about things that I could do better off without?? Does it all pay off in the end?? Caring about things I could do without??? I don't know anymore.. No one notices the pain.. I don't need any more criticism or condemnation.. I already have enough of that.. Sometimes I just want everyone to leave me alone so I know what I want to do and not what everyone else wants me to do.. Someone said that the most important thing is to follow your heart, but if your heart's not telling you anything but you know its not what the others are saying? What do you do then? Where do you go?

I could go on and on with the rhetorical questions. Some of that only I could answer. I NEED ANSWERS!!! Where do I find them?

What I really want more than anything in the world is to be free from EVERYTHING!!!! Just to feel free..

Random thought :
What am I supposed to say when I'm all chocked up and you're okay..

My first post

I have nothing to really blog about today..

I decided to change my blog because the URL is really emo but I dun wanna lose my old blog. Anyways, let me explain to you the meaning of my new URL..

Ineradicable means not being unable to be uprooted or removed easily. So my blog is where I put all the memories that will stay with me forever.

Now you know what my blog URL means..

Changed My URL

I've made another blog and will be using that from now on..

Please change my link.. Thanks!!

http://ineradicablememories.blogspot.com

My first composition..

I just finish composing my very first song!! OMG!!! Damn excited.. The lyrics are from the poem that me, Cherly and Ehsan did for English.. This is how it happened :

Boredom + Lyrics = Guitar + Melody = MY VERY FIRST SONG!!!

Being myself, I doubt it song will ever get out... So far only my sis has heard it and she said the melody's nice.. Lol..

Yay me!!

My Group's "Award" Winning Poem

Last week we had a poem writing competition in our class for english.. We got into our own groups and started writing on a poem with the theme "Beauty Is Just Skin Deep". Me, Cherly and Ehsan made our own group. I dunno bout the others but I had tons of fun doing this got we came up with sooo much crap.. Lol.. Anywayz, we only found out today that we won 1st.. FIRST!!!! Muahahahaha.. So all my "emo" poem writing skills have come to good use.. Damn all those people use to think my poem's are emoooo and condemned it.. Muahahaha.. XD.. Oh ya, we won a small box of Cadbury Assortment chocolates which made Cherly go super high and crazy.. :P

This is the poem we wrote..

You look at me,
You will not only see,
Another part of beauty,
That loves being so wonderfully me.

What is beauty?
Beauty is more than meets the eye,
And you cannot lie,
For that's the reason why,
We are meant to be.

Like an oyster that's ugly on the outsdie,
But very valuable on the inside,
True beauty can be hidden from sight,
But can always shine bright.

Finding true love we have no clue,
A beauty so deep hidden from view,
Outward beauty may deceive,
But a pure and kind heart will always give.

For me,
Beauty is just skin deep,
For a sincere heart is mine to keep.

By : Cherly Phua Xue Li, Elaina Teng, Muhd. Nur Ehsan

Micheal Jackson Passed Away!!!

OMG!! I didn't actullay know what had happened till I noticed that all the radio channels were playing MJ's songs.. So I was like WTH? Why are all the channels playing his songs... Izit his birthday or did he die.. I was like why la?? Then I heard while channel surfing in the car, the last part of the DJ's explaining why they were playing MJ's songs. It was something like "MJ's in the house.. in spirit.." I was like WTH!??!?!?!??!?!? MJ's dead.. When I reached home, I quickly rushed to the tv and turned to the news channel (which I've never done before) and it was seriously true.. They wrote at the bottom Michael Jackson dies.. I was OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!

I still can't fathom that he's gone!! And he was suppose to go on tour soon!! Oh man.. Though he looks kinda freaky coz he's really white but come on.. Have you heard his songs!!! They rock wei!! Man.. I'm really gonna miss him wei!! Thank God there is always his songs!! He is totally legendary and he will always be remembered!!

May you rest in peace Michael!!!

My Year..

I don't know why but I feel compelled to write this.. At this moment I don't really care whether its emo or whatever.

A year ago, I would have been busy with RC Prom Nite just like how my juniors are now.. I would be attending endless meetings to make sure everything's done and going through the emotions with 14 great other people and a great Sir.

Now, I'm left to ponder where my friendships went wrong. I lost almost 90% of my frens when I became and exco and at the same time I gained 14 other new, talented and not to mention fun brother's, sister's or whatever you want to call them. Not forgetting a super fun, understanding, experienced, father figure. My year with them can never be explained through mere words. We've gone through all the emotions together. Though we are of different races and religious backgrounds, we still stood by each other supporting each one when they needed it. All of us went through each set of our problems but we always found solace is each other's company. I would never trade anything else for the unforgettable times I had with them.

While I was away, my school friends decided to stop waiting for me to catch up with them so they moved on without me. Most of my time was spent with a new group of friends and the activities we organized so whenever I was free, I was too exhausted to go hang out with them. And being so overwhelmed by the work load of the organizing, studies, and keeping up with my friends, it didn't give me much time to catch up with them and alot of times forgot that I was suppose to RSVP them. I missed loads of bday's, outings and parties. So slowly but surely, they just stopped inviting me for things, and I just stopped trying to keep up with the lastest gossip within them.

A year later, its pretty much the same. The starting of the year was a bit awkward and pretty sucky. I was condemned by my friends. They cursed PBSM for reasons I still don't know. To them I had my name was non-existent. My primary name was Emo. If they wanted to call me from the front of the class, they would shout Oi, Emo! EEEEEMMMOOO!!! and I had to answer to that name. So this went on for almost half the year when I finally told a close friend (who was nice enough not to be like the rest and replace my name with Emo) how I felt and he/she told the person who most frequented calling me that. We more or less settled that and went BACK to pretty much not talking to each other.

I use to be so close to everyone, or so I thought. Now even touching them is like a disease. Wait, not even touching them, standing next to them is already like a disease. I mean how is someone suppose to feel when you go up to them, say hey and just stand next to them and in a split second, everyone runs in all direction and just leave you standing there?? Seriously, how am I suppose to react? *it is abit exaggerated bout the split second and running part but the rest happens. I use to able to sit next to them and be okay. But now I can't stand within a few feets radius. I gotta admit things have gotten better but its really pains me to see their reaction when they see that I'm coming towards them. And I guess like all friends do, they made new, better, more fun friends while I was away.

I feel so disconnected from my friends I've ever felt. I felt like I've lost all my friends while I was away. And I will never regret being away. I always hoped that some how though I was away for some time that I would still be one of them but I guess that isn't coming through. I really wanted to hold on to the hope that I would still have them as friends after I leave school but I guess that's not going to happen and I just have to live in the real world and face the facts. So I guess this how far my friendship goes with them.

P/S : Names were not mentioned in this post for obvious reasons. The people SHOULD know who they are.

=> I would hope that one of them would read it and finally understand why I react the way I do and just understand.

Hujung Dunia by Nitrus

I currently crazy over this song!! Weee..

Kau akan ku tunggu
Sehingga hujung dunia
Kau akan selalu bersamaku...
Biar masa pergi
Biar masa tinggal kita
Kau akan selalu kan bersama...

Biar semuanya yang indah
Biar semuanya yang indah

Kau dan aku mungkinkah
Kau akan percaya bersama mimpi kita
Apa daya yang mungkin ku rasa
Mungkinkah ini semua dusta...

ohh..ohh..ohh

Kau akan ku tunggu
Sehingga hujung dunia
Kau akan selalu bersamaku...
Biar masa pergi
Biar masa tinggal kita
Kau akan selalu kan bersama...

Biar semuanya yang indah
Biar semuanya yang indah

Kau dan aku mungkinkah
Kau akan percaya bersama mimpi kita
Apa daya yang mungkin ku rasa
Mungkinkah ini semua dusta

Biarkan semuanya indah
Biarkan semuanya indah...

The Sick Bug

Yes as the title says.. I have been infected with the sick bug.. Haih.. At the moment, my nose is blocked and I can feel a sore throat coming.. Why?!?!?! Not now! Not when I want to enjoy the last few days of my holidays!! =(

On top of that I have a Bible Knowledge exam on Sunday to study for and a moral folio to finish up..

And on a totally random thing.. At first when I got his msg, I was like oh, he remembers me... Well, he sorta proved me wrong.. After 3 msges of asking how I am and stuff, he asked whether I could help him.. -.-' la.. It was so argh-ish.. You dun msg me for like 2 weeks or so, cos I dun seem to fit in with ur college life, and out of the blue you msg me and some how u remember me when u need help .. Its not like I dun want to help him but he made it seem like he only msges me when he needs something.. Being the nice person I am, I agreed to help him out and then the msges stop.. When he msges again, he asks me to msg him when its done.. And when its done, no msg, nothing... Man, this dude really knows how to use people.. Idiot..

Okay.. Just needed to vent bout that.. So whatever..

Memories

I MISS you guys soo much.. Seeing us together in camp made me realise how much I miss being with u guys and going to HQ and just hanging out with you guys and do nothing but talk and hang around...

Thank you guys for giving so much experience, fun and memories... I hope that distance and time doesn't break us apart.. You guys are like my family now..

LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!!

More pics of Tutti Reunion 2009

I've uploaded MORE pics upon Suey Erz's request..

Happy Birthday Mahes!!

I know I'm a day late but I still wanted to wish you a very Happy 17th Birthday!!! You've been a great frend and an even greater leader.. Thank you for the fun we've had together and the fighting!! Hhehe..

I hope you had a wonderful birthday.. Wishing you a wonderful year ahead and good luck for your SPM!! And stay cool and fun!! Woo.. Take care Mages!! Love ya!! =)

Tutti Reunion @ Tutti Movie Mania 2009

Today was a really memorable day because it was so fun and chun-ted.. This is the story.

I was almost left behind because "someone".. *coughs* Kelvin *coughs* told my 9.30... I reach just in time.. Thank God.. We were divided into groups to follow in cars and exco 2008 got to ride with sir (except Pang.. sorry!!) It was a really fun and funny ride to Selvaa where we ate our breakfast and chao-ed and continued our journey to Aeon Bukit Tinggi.. We entered Aeon with a really grand entrance like thing cos we were all wearing the same shirt only in different colours.. On the way there we saw a few members and as we went up the escalator toward TGV we saw that almost the whole cinema was crowded with our members.. Anyways, to cut the story short (because this is a really really really really long story and those who know me know that I like to include lots and lots of details so it'll be even longer), we had the whole cinema hall to ourselves and had a blast.. And for those who want to know, we watched Night at The Museum 2.. Here are some pics..

Group picture before leaving HQ..

My kawan!! =)

A few of my Exco's with Sir in HQ..

My ever cool and cute buddy, Kiritaaran!!! ;)

The two craziest people I know..

Kelvin Hong, Hong Seng...

Sir and I.. Hahaha.. He looks so formal.. hehehe..

Mard Know (Mat No(u)r)..

The nicest and funniest guy I've ever known..

<3!!!>

There are alot more pics but I got lazy uploading.. Hehehe..