There was one phone call I made to him, he suddenly shouted into the phone, when I asked what happened he said muscle contract. Its really heart wrenching to see your free, well in this case hear, your friend in so much pain but can't do much to help.
I really dun know how I'm gonna survive in school without him. All this while, I've taken advantage of him always being there and now that he's not I feel so lost. I clung to him like a security blanket and now that he's gone I feel vunerable. He's also been an encourager for me by encouraging me to study and to do my best for every exam and when he nerds he indirectly encourages me to study. You could say he was my "other half". There isn't a day where I didn't shout XIN ZHI!!! But now I guess that has come. It would definately be weird to sit next to nothing when all this while he's been there listening me to whine and rant, smacking him, discussing answers, asking him for his help and advice and even arguing with him what songs to listen to. When they say, you never know what its worth till its gone they really are true and I now know the full extent of what they mean. I wasn't emotionally prepared to say goodbye yet and now he might not be coming back to school again and SPM is 48 more days. And I know how much his SPM means for him and even that he might be able to come for.
I can still remember how much I use to hate him in Form 4 and early Form 5. I use to despise him. I wanted so badly to strangle him and I bet he wanted to do the same. Time has definately drastically changed that. He changed from my enemy to my best friend; my other half. He knows my deepest darkest secrets and everything about me and in turn I've found out so many things about him. He's helped me become a different person; to be more patient and understanding, to keep believing in myself and that I can really do it if I really wanted to. Before this happened I was wondering what would happen to us, including our other friends, when school ends. And that thought scared me because they've all become comfort zone. Stepping out was a big scare for me. I regretted not becoming closer to him earlier on because he's such a great friend and I didnt see that earlier. I use to laugh when he told me or I found that girls like him because to me I didn't see what they saw. To me he was just another annoying but fun guy who sat next to me. I still laugh and tease him but I see what they see. I've heard girls say he's every woman's dream or he's what you call a perfect guy, or close to perfect anyways and sometimes I have to agree with them. He is everything you could want in a guy.
I knew him since Form 1 when he was the hot topic in my class cause he and a girl in my class were exchanging notes but at that time she was with another guy (which I later found out that XZ didn't know). I knew him as this really shy prefect guy. I remember when we would pass each other at the corridor, he would look away or look on the floor and say hi in a really soft voice when u said hi. I use to think he was a really weird guy. Years pass and I knew who he was but never really talked to him. Finally in Form 4 I sat next to him. Initially Vigna sat next to him but she shifted to another class so I changed my place and sat next to him. We were like cats and dogs. Always fighting, and it usually ends up with me becoming emo and shutting off. When this year started, it wasn't any different. I started off the year trying to be more patient and as usual it didn't work. He and I would still fight but this time, after we fought he would call me to apologize (well, most of the times anyways). Some how both of us changed and became more patient with each other and when that happened we started to realise that we could actually get along. A friendship started to form and here we are today.
I may talk about him like he's my boyfriend or we're in love or something but that's just us. Even our classmates agree. Some people think that he and I are together or that I like him or vice versa because of how close we've gotten. When they say that I would laugh and walk away or like ewww... its Xin Zhi.. Thinking about it now, it seems really funny. Maybe we would someday down the road or something who knows but right now I'm enjoying every moment of this friendship. And not only this friendship but all the friendships I've made throughout my schooling life because after this everyone will be everywhere and nothing will ever be the same so I'm gonna cherish every moment I have with them though it may not be much longer.
Well, that's all from me now.
No comments:
Post a Comment