When you have no where else.

I didn’t know who to turn to so late in the night. Plus I don’t feel like talking to anyone but him. Its the first time I’m blogging since it happened. Doesn’t make it feel any easier. Nor does it hurt any less.

I’m actually procrastinating from sleeping cause what I dreamt last night hurt me so much. I wanted him so badly but yet I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. He had moved on and found someone else but I didn’t know that. Not yet anyways. So when he came back to me I was happy again until I found that he had that girl. I didn’t wanna be the girl who broke up a relationship so instead of having him, I pulled away and watched him slip through my fingers again. I guess my greatest fear manifested itself. My fear of having to watch him get another girl while I hang on to him.

Sometimes I wonder whether it was my short comings that made him wanna let go now. That made him want to end it now. What if I was hotter? What if I was everything he wanted me to be? Would he have stayed?

I have so much to say and yet, I don’t know what to say.

You think you’re getting stronger but instead of taking a step forward, you’re foot just takes off and lands where it was before. Something like what I used to do in school, jogging setempat. You’re never moving anywhere but yet, you’re tired from just jogging in that one spot. That’s how I feel.

2 weeks and it still doesn’t feel any easier. Should I? Shouldn’t I? A question I have to ask myself every time before I decide on whether to talk to you. It never used to be this hard. I never had to think of whether to talk to you. Now I have no choice but to ask myself.

P/S: forgive me for the lack of bright colours and what I usually do.