Reaccurance??

If I spelt the title wrong, sorry.. I'm too lazy to find out how u acutally spell it.. I haven't blogged for quite sum time.. Feeling all sorts of feelings rite now.. Haiz.. Exams went bad.. I got 29th in class.. Tat's really bad.. Haiz.. Camp's coming and I'm afraid I can't lead my group and I'll be a lousy group leader and that my team will lose coz of me.. Really scared tat i'll fall sick during camp and scared will get wheezing during camp.. Haiz.. My team is one of the last groups to finish alot of stuffs.. There's still alot of things to get done.. Haiz.. Stressing la now.. And coz of camp I haven't played basketball for quite sum time.. Miss getting to hang out wid my frens.. And coz of camp and my cousin's wedding the next week I dun get to get baptized.. Sum how everythings kinda making me stressed out.. And holidays will soon be coming to an end and I'll be in form 3.. A crucitial year for me.. HAIZ!!!!!! Too many things.. After camp and my cousin's wedding I would really want to go ice skating.. I really loved ice skating.. haha.. I really miss being free.. -sighs-...

Feeling cold.....

Have you ever felt so cold n empty on the inside tat u even feel ur heart freezing?? Well I feel tat now.. I never felt so down and angry at everything.. I think the reason y i like solitude is because if i were to be wid my frens I would take it out on them.. I guess tat's one reason and when i'm alone I can think and be in my own world... So many times I've felt so down tat I dun want to get up.. Frens cheer me up on the outside but not on the inside.. They all dun noe how I truly feel deep down... I can look happy and crazy but deep down do u noe wat I'm feeling?? I alwayz think bout wat will happen if I die?? I noe I'll be missed but soon I'll be forgetten like a distant memory.... Everyone expects so much from me and when I dun match their expectations I feel like I've dissapointed them.. I guess tat's the reason no one sees the true me... I dun dare open up my heart fully to anyone anymore..... I feel so alone... When I'm wid frens i just feel like their the wind, they come and go.... I dun feel like I'm the person I actually am and becoming a person everyone wants or likes me to be.... Sometimes basketball is the only thing tat gets things off my mind..... I really can't stand dis life... And I noe one day be I'll gone wid the wind.....

The way I FELT bout u...

Photo by Ryan Cabrera

A photo, can say a thousand things
But it can't say the million things
I wanna say
A photo, can capture the way we were
But it can't capture the way we are
Cause you're far away

What it's like to know you
What it's like to touch you
Yeah...

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day, you and me will have
One more shot

Timing, lost minutes and moments
Yeah, I might be lonely, girl
But I'm not afraidIn a second, it all comes right back to me
No, nothing's forgotten now
Yeah, everything's saved

What it's like to touch you
What it's like to know you
Yeah...

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

You were my life
You were my faith
You gave me hope everyday

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just wordsYou can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

WAT'S WRONG WID ME???

I have absolutely no idea wat the hell is wrong wid me.... Suddenly I feel so depressed and unhappy... Around my frens, I feel so normal but deep down I noe tat my heart's not at peace.. Its really troubled.. But the prob is, I DUN NOE WAT'S TROUBLING MY HEART?!?!?! Everything started to go down hill when me and dis guy decided tat we were not going to continue being not an official couple... So we decided to be frens but somehow now I dun think we are even frens.. We seldom sms each other, never talk, and even if we do sms it'll be like 1-2 sms... I really dunno wat's happening.. I may be falling into depression.. I feel like everyone's expecting me to do great things.. My exams have just started.. And more pressure to get good grades and not to fail is added to my burden.. I already have so much on my shoulders i feel like already crawling coz of the weight.. I feel really really unhappy deep down... The thought of suicide haunts me... My heart is confused, troubled, unhappy, lost and worried.. Sometimes I really want to give up.. Other times, the burden becomes too great tat I just wanna break down and cry.. Tat has happened to me b4.. I felt so low and so pressured tat I just cracked and broke down. Nothing seems to calm me down.. I really dunno wat's going on wid me.. I'm losing my mind... Pls help me oh Lord.. I need u to help me..

Smart Test

Test for smart people!Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer theminstantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.OK?Let's find out just how clever you really are.Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. Whatposition are you in?


Answer:If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong! If youovertake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question. To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:If you overtake the last person, then you are...?


Answer:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrongagain. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this! Are you?


Third Question:Very tricky math!
Note: This must be done in your head only.Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?



Scroll down for answer.


Did you get5000?The correct answer is actually 4100.Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?


Answer:Nunu? NO!Of course not.Her name isMary.Read the question again.

Okay, now the bonus round:There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating theaction of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to theshopkeeper and the purchase is done.Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, howshould he express himself?



He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

Camp or complaining bout a gal??

Camp was not bad.. Lol.. For the 1st time I pengakap and PBSM actually getting along which is good.. Lol.. I actually liked hanging out wif them.. Today didn't really wanna go back.. Haiz.. So fast saturday adi.. Exams are coming soon n so is the stress of exam.. Haiz.. I can't wait till the last paper is collected.. I'll be overjoyed.. Anywayz going back to the topic.. Haha.. The games tat Jie Qi (ketua of pengakap) did was quite fun.. I really enjoyed watching the campers play it.. Lol.. The part i loved most was tat when we ( Suey Erz, Wei Teng n myself) were lying in the tent, we could see the moon so clearly.. Coz we only zipped the net to prevent the mosquitios from entering but opened the plastic thing coz it was really hot and we wanted air to come in.. So we js lay looking up into the moon while talking.. We talked so much till i had a mild sore throat.. Lol.. By the time we actually fell asleep was maybe 3 in the morning and we woke up at like 5.30 or so..

We talked bout a back-stabbing, hiao po... I shall not name her.. However we trying to change the subject, we'll come to talking bout how stupid she is.. The way she does things is as if she has no brain... I may think tat a person wif no brain will be smarter than her.. The more I talked bout her the more i felt the hatred of her growing... She can promise she won't tell, the next moment u find out tat she told the whole world... She can't help her stupid big mouth from keeping shut. And she'll turn from being normal to being very hiao when a cute guy passes by.. And she'll act manja in front of guys we noe tat we MAY think r cute.. I find it so eww... She can totally change in like a few secs.. And I pity all those guys who've liked her.. Maybe dis is wat u call being blinded my love.. At 1st when a CUTE guy says he likes her, she'll give some excuse of not telling her answer at 1st but then will drag it on and on.. In tat period of time, the way she talks to them is like she's giving them hope tat they have a chance. And in the end, she lies to them or js breaks their hearts.. I think her bf is really very patient wif her already.. I dunno how many times she's done tat to how many guys... Haiz..

Newayz, going back to camp.. Lol.. It was generally good.. At least we had supper rite?? Lol.. Wat i reallly enjoyed was being one of the urusetia.. Coz if I got to like kinda get involved in the game.. It was really nice.. Lol.. Being higher than the campers.. For the 1st time I actually got to really talk Jie Qi and my other boy scouts frens.. Lol.. Overall it was quite fun.. If I got to i would have stayed another nite.. But I felt really uncomfortable coz I didn't bathe n I was so sticky and smelly.. Lol.. If they have it next year I may go but only as Pertolongan Cemas n not a camper.. Lol.. But most of my PC (pertolongan cemas) frens wanted to have OBH (operasi burung hantu). They were quite disspointed when they found out dun have.. And heard tat there was suppose to have flying fox but the guy from JPA i think couldn't come so tat one canceled.. And the cooking competition was also canceled.. It will not be counted as real camping if u dun cook ur own food.. Seriously if u cook it and though it sucks, u'll feel proud coz u at least successfully cooked smt by urself.. Lol.. Well at least tat was how i felt.. Lol.. Camp is only camp when u sleep late and get up early and get to cook ur own food.. :P

Well, I guess I've got to stop coz its getting really long.. :P

Teachers in my school..

Today terkena from my BM teacher, En. Zaid, again.. Yesterday i terpaksa coz i couldn't explain the sinopsis of a story properly.. Today pula kena coz i couldn't answer a question he asked.. Kinad my fault la the 2nd one.. I read the sinopsis and not the story.. I couldn't find tat book.. Haiz.. So terpaksa stand loh.. So embarrasing coz i was the last person to sit down.. :P but not tat bad la.. Biasa adi.. Hehe.. :P He's kind of a good teacher but very miang.. Haha..

The worse teacher was Cik Nurul.. She looks exactly like my fren.. The say she speaks in english is also like my fren (my fren's malay).. Anyway, we changed teacher for quite a number of times, so sometimes i dun bring my books coz its really heavy.. So happen tat day i thought she wouldn't come in coz she didn't come in for the whole week so i didn't bring my book.. Btw, i she teaches me moral and we have moral wif another class. Then teacher went around the whole class checking the books.. in my mind i was like die la die la.. Then i purposely wanted to get out of class so i said "teacher prefects rehat" (5 mins b4 the time prefects actually suppose to rehat) Then teacher was "Let me see ur book 1st". Then she came and asked "Where's your book?" then i replyed, "didn't bring" then she said "Get out".. At 1st i didn't want to then she repeated and pointed out of class.. "GET OUT" Then i terpaksa go out la.. So i went out i stood at the back door and was talking to my fren, so happened my fren said tak akan i js get up and walk out meh? then she straight away asked (she was kinda near by) "Did u js ask her (pointing at me) to js walk away. Then my frens face was like wat u talking bout?. Then teacher asked again, "DID U JS ASKED HER TO WALK AWAY?". Then my fren answered, "No". Then teacher said "U (meaning my fren) can go for recess and u (meaning me) stand in front".. At 1st i didn't want to then she pointed and said again "GO TO THE FRONT!!!". Terpaksa go. Then i was in the front but still outside the class.. A few of my frens from the other class (they're guys) kept on looking outside towards where i was standing.. Tat made me even more embarrased.. Then teacher came out to talk to us asking us y we didn't bring out books. I gave an excuse saying "i kept my books on my table and forgot to put it in my bag". Then she looked at me and said "forgot to put it in ur bag?" n i was like "ya?". Then she said "ur a prefect, u should set an example for them.. I dun like seeing prefects not bringing their books.. Next time dun forget to bring.." I was like "ya".. Then she was like "u can go", then i was like terima kasih cigku and went.. I terpaksa say terima kasih or not she'll think i'm rude n things will be even worse. After tat the prefects from the other class they kinda told a few other prefects and word kinda spread but not tat far till every1 knew... then they were kinda teasing me bout it.. ARGH!! So damn embarrasing..

I think i have more teachers to complain about but lz wanna list down.. :P Hehe..

Dis is how i feel...

Dis is the lyrics from everything I'm not by the veronicas.. It really describes I felt or feel bout person I was meaning in my post have u felt betrayed?.. I really love dis song.. ;)

Oh no
Don't go changing
That's what you told me from the start
Thought you where something different
That's when it all just fell apart
Like you're so perfect
And I can't measure up
Well I'm not perfect
Just all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I seeI don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

It's not like I need somebody else
Telling me where I should go at night
Don't worry you'll find somebody
Someone to tell how to live their life
Cause your so perfect
And no one measures up
Yeah all by yourself
You're all messed up

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I seeI don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Now wait a minute
Because of you
I never knew all the things that I had
Hey don't u get itI'm not going anywhere with you tonight
Cause this is my life

I was losing myself to somebody else
But now I see
I don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

But now I seeI don't wanna pretend
So this is the end of you and me
Cause the girl that you want
She was tearing us apart
Cause she's everything
Everything I'm not

Have u ever felt betrayed? part 2.. :P

Now I js feel really angry.. I have a fren.. Lets name her CM.. So i get most of my info from her coz he has 'no credit' but can msg CM coz she's 016 and in his frens n family where as i'm 012 so its 15 sens per sms.. Ok tat one i can understand. But wat i got really ticked about was tat he didn't tell me he went for a minor surgery.. He excuse 'not enough credit' and u noe wat, I was msging him on monday wanting to meet up wif him to talk to him bout some stuff and he said tat tuesday he can't meet up and wednesday he's not coming to school.. When i asked him y he said tat he doesn't want to go then said he has very little credit left.. So i was ok la.. Then when i found out from CM tat he was going for minor surgery on wednesday i admit it but i was kinda worried.. After he's surgery i asked him y he didn't tell me tat he's going for surgery he said tat he wanted to tell me but got no credit. Can u see the trick there? On monday he told me tat he doesn't wanna go to school but didn't tell me he's going for surgery.. After asking him y he didn't tell me he's going for surgeryk, 'got no credit'.. See the lie yet?? Haha.. Then i heard from CM tat he was behind her and she didn't realize it till she went into school on tuesday. He told me tat he couldn't meet me.. Btw he doesn't go back tat way, so wat was he doing there?? Hmm.. I would like to noe too.. And last friday he kinda wanted to meet up but was not sure he could meet up coz he's leg was still painful.. He told me if i dun see him by 12.45 means he went back adi ( i came at 12.40 and was at the front gate there kinda waiting for him, looked like orang sesat) and he didn't come.. I asked him y, he said he's leg was painful.. The next day i was wif CM playing basketball, we were walking back to school and she kinda said tat if she asked him to come out he would.. Hmm... Is he avoiding me?? Hmm.. Well, now i dun really care.. If he wants to lie to me go ahead and lie la.. If he does read dis, dis is wat i've got to say to him 'now u noe y i've been angry at u'.. I think wat i said in my personal msg is true (do u noe how deep u hurt me? DO U? Js delete me from ur memory, it'll save me the pain) Ever since u broke my heart, u r the only prob i had.. I want things to go back to normal but i doubt tat it'll be the same... And some how i dun really care if it doesn't... ALL IN ALL, UR NOT THE ONLY GUY!!! btw, do u noe how many ppl told me to forget u?? I also dunno, but i noe tat there was alot of ppl who told me to forget u... I'VE MOVED ON!!!! :D For a very long time, i actually feel happy inside.. :D

I js wanna thank everyone who was there for me when I was really down.. Tnx for trying to cheer my up and js listen to my nagging... :P Love ya guys!!!

Have u ever felt betrayed?

Well, dis is kinda how I felt when tat certain sum1 broke my heart into pieces.. U may or not noe who he is.. If u dun noe, well too bad coz I'm not gonna tell those who dun noe for his sake.. Ok u must be thinking he broke my heart and yet i'm keeping his name secret for his sake, she must be mad.. Lol.. Ya I am mad but though he did break my heart, i'm not tat heartless to let the whole world noe who broke my heart.. XD.. lol..

The story started when we kinda played a trick on every1 saying tat we were a couple.. It started out innocently (I didn't fall for him yet) but as time went by I started to fall for him.. Well, he kinda found out a few days after we started the trick.. I was really really happy when he told me he KINDA felt the same way bout me (my hse had a black out when he kinda found out).. The whole nite i was like on the clouds.. N i didn't even mind sitting there my hot living room sweating coz i was too happy.. (but he told me he didn't wanna couple up coz of some reasons). He was the 1st guy i had a crush on to ever like me back.. I was really happy tat whole week.. Till exactly one week after he found out tat i like him.. Btw, it was on a saturday tat he found out tat i like him and it was the following saturday tat he told me tat he didn't like me. Do u get it?? If u dun den slowly read it back again.. :P

Continuing.. He told me tat he didn't like me on saturday morning when we were playing bkb.. Ironicly he gave me a mug saying forver yours.. Ironic rite?? lol.. For those who dunno wat's ironic, it means [the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.] But I respect him coz he had the guts to tell it to me face to face.. He told me not to be sad after telling me tat he didn't like me.. He also told me tat his friends told him he should tell me tat he didn't like earlier coz it'll hurt less (i kinda suspected tat he didn't like me, but was not really sure).. And well i said i won't be sad but in the end i cried there in the field.. Well dis was how my feelings were, Happiness -> Sadness -> Despression -> Anger.. Weird rite? I asked him (through SMS) y he didn't tell me straight up he didn't like me from the beginning. And he told me tat he did like me in the beginning and tat he's feelings suddenly faded after a few days.. I kinda thought to myself was i tat easy to fall out of love wif?? Well, i kinda realize now tat it was not me but him.. :P So all in all, i was really hurt by it and i was depressed for quite a long time.. I'll put the afters in another post coz its getting really long.. lol..

Intro..

Hey ppl, haha.. I think dis will be my personal blog unlike my friendster blog which i kinda put crap in.. I may use dis blog to kinda release my anger, sadness and other feelings into.. I've given u a warning.. lol.. Some may be interesting coz i may share experiences but some may be js boring coz i have ntg better to do.. Lol.. I may post some nice stuff (for me) once in awhile like poems or short stories... Hope u enjoy reading my blog.. ;) p.s. I can be lame most of the time so bear wif me.. :P